So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
