laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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