My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
