ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
