Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Mom said you looked used
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
