im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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