I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
