I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
