He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
