If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
