I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize