If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize