Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
