so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I forgot how hot balto sounded
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Randomize
