I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
