For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize