i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
