You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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