Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
