No awkward lesbian experiences without me
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
