Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
i think i just lost a toe
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
