wrigley field is MILF paradise
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
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