i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
