did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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