Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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