shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
