I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
