you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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