drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
