Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
