so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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