Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
