she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
