Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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