Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
i've created a new STD.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
