She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
