Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Is it because I queefed?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize