in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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