accomplished twins. life is a go
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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