Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
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what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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