No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
