The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
