shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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