Will you blow on my dice?
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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