Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
