I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
