We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
