@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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