hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
