My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
