You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
