As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
