I just made out with a guy for $7.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
