You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
