I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
