He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
