just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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