Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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