fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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