census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
