I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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