i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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