Soap is not a condiment
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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