dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
