fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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