Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
he told me I talked like a deaf person
worst night to have a conscience
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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