Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
