I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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