i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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