Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
